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Trump! The Musical
Look out Broadway!
Over the past few months I have been watching the actions of the increasingly authoritarian wing of the US Republican Party in a state of jaw-dropping disbelief. They seem hell-bent on stripping away everyone else’s freedoms in the name of protecting their own narrow, christo-fascist way of life. And what are they protecting it from? The perceived ‘threat’ of compassionate liberalism – in other words, from people who whose moral framework is based on being nice to eachother. Apparently this threatens the Republicans’ version of Christianity (and, no doubt, their right to carry guns), so they are trying to take it down, one appalling bill at a time.
And that’s not to mention the incredible antics of their criminally-indicted figurehead, Mr. Trump.
So how can I respond to this? Well, as someone who has written a few musical shows, and regularly broadcasts showtunes on the radio, I can’t help thinking how this Republican movement, with its over-the-top characters and pantomime villains, seems to have all the makings of a dystopian musical. So, never being one to let a questionable idea go to waste, I have started sketching out a show, using songs lifted from existing musicals. I might even send it round a few producers for consideration. It’s early days, and will need a fair bit of fine tuning - I’ll need to adapt the lyrics of the suggested songs, for example - but I thought I would share it with you as my ‘work-in-progress’.
So here is my outline for Act One of my new stage show – Trump! The Musical.
Look out Broadway, here I come!
Scene 1 – Outside Mar-a-Lago.
ENTER CHORUS OF MAGA HAT WEARERS
SONG – You’re the one that I want (from Grease) – MAGA Chorus
TRUMP comes out of the gate, accompanied by several guys in sunglasses and ill-fitting black suits. He stands on a podium and addresses the crowd.
SONG – Any dream will do (from Joseph) – Trump and MAGA Chorus
Scene 2 – Inside Mar-a-Lago – opulent sitting room with gold statues of Trump.
MELANIA is sitting by the fire when TRUMP ENTERS
SONG – Beauty and the Beast (from Beauty and the Beast) – Melania and Trump
MELANIA storms out, leaving TRUMP alone.
SONG – How to handle a woman (from Camelot) – Trump
Scene 3 – Everglades swamp, Florida.
ENTER RON DESANTIS, together with a REPUBLICAN CHRISTIAN CHORUS (same as the MAGA Chorus, just without the hats). Also a few CROCODILES (It’s a my musical. If you can have singing/dancing cats, then I say you can have crocodiles).
SONG – Take a chance on me (from Mamma Mia) – Ron DeSantis
The REPUBLICANS come back on in WW2 German uniforms, a do a big Busby Berkley dance number.
SONG – Springtime for Hitler (from The Producers) – REPUBLICAN CHRISTIAN CHORUS, with the CROCODILES in support.
Scene 4 – Mega Church with large TV screen backdrop
ENTER JOEL OSTEEN (Televangelist). His face appears on the TV screen, with a toothy grin. The REPUBLICAN CHRISTIAN CHORUS ENTER. They have changed into T-shirts and AR15s.
SONG – Money, Money, Money (from Mamma Mia) – Joel Osteen
The REPUBLICAN CHRISTIAN CHORUS cheer wildly and shoot their AR15s in the air.
Scene 5 – Harlan Crow’s Yacht.
ENTER CLARENCE THOMAS (Supreme Court Judge) in shorts and T-shirt, together with THE STATUES (Lenin, Stalin, Castro, Marx and Che Guevara)
(If you don’t get the statue reference, google ‘Harlan Crow’)
THE STATUES ply CLARANCE THOMAS with food and drink, as if serving staff.
SONG – Hey Big Spender (from Sweet Charity) – The Statues
Scene 6 – The Supreme Court
The scene changes as CLARENCE THOMAS puts on his Judge’s robes.
SONG – Send in the Clowns (from A Little Night Music) – Clarence Thomas
ENTER THE OTHER REPUBLICAN SUPREME COURT JUDGES
During the next song an OLD WHITE MAN and a YOUNG GIRL ENTER, and the JUDGES congratulate the OLD WHITE MAN, then bind and gag the YOUNG GIRL.
SONG – When you’re good to mama (from Chicago) – Clarence Thomas and The Supreme Court Judges
ACT ONE FINALE – A street in Dover, Delaware.
ENTER JOE BIDEN, KAMALA HARRIS and THE DEMOCRATIC CHORUS. All dressed as 19th century French revolutionaries. A barricade appears, made from school desks and blackboards.
SONG – Do you hear the people sing? (from Les Misérables) – Joe Biden, Kamala Harris and The Democrat Chorus.
END OF ACT ONE
Act Two to follow next week. Meanwhile - what other songs (ideally from musical shows, but not necessarily) can you suggest for Trump and the Republicans? I have my Act Two playlist already ready for next week, but there’s always room for more! There’s a thread running on this on Twitter (https://twitter.com/jonathanposner) - and there’s a sneak preview of a couple of the numbers from Act Two.
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