Go with me on this.
My rants are available in book form.
After over ninety 5 Minute Break posts, I feel I am justified in perhaps taking a step back and doing what I believe is a ‘helicopter view’ of my ranting landscape. Bear with me for a moment - I feel obliged to run this up the flagpole and see who salutes.
A while back, when I was about halfway to the current total, I decided to gather together the articles I felt were the most amusing (or the least likely to get me sued), and put them into a book. Forgive me - I am a publisher. It’s my default reaction to content. I see words, and I feel the urge to publish them. I called the book Go With Me On This, and I thought that, as a reader of this column, I should bring it to your attention.
I call it a ‘loo book’ - an opportunity for a five-minute read while sitting there, something many men are particularly known for. You know the sort of thing - small enough to keep by the toilet, chunky enough to feel substantial, and entertaining enough that you don’t mind if your reading session gets interrupted halfway through because, well, you’ve finished what you came there to do.
Each article is self-contained, so you can dip in and out without needing to remember where you left off. Perfect for those moments when you need a brief escape from the world, a quick laugh, or just confirmation that someone else finds modern life as baffling and irritating as you do.
It’s an ideal gift for the crusty old codger in your life. You know the one - the bloke who complains about everything, mutters darkly about ‘young people these days’, and can’t understand why everyone’s glued to their phones. The chap who gets inexplicably angry about minor inconveniences and feels the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. Your dad, probably. Or your uncle. Possibly your grandfather, though you might want to check his blood pressure first.
But here’s a warning: it’s got plenty of swearing and some strident atheism. Probably not a good gift for that church-going old aunt who sends you religious cards at Christmas and keeps trying to get you to attend her prayer group. She won’t appreciate my thoughts on religion, belief systems, or the general bollocks of faith-based thinking. In fact, she’ll probably be horrified and might well write you out of her will.
So choose your recipient carefully. This is for people who enjoy a good rant, appreciate robust language, and aren’t going to clutch their pearls when I suggest that organized religion is a scam designed to control the gullible.
The book covers all my favourite topics: the irritations of modern technology, the tyranny of social media, the bewildering behaviour of young people, the idiocy of phone zombies, and of course, my ongoing battle with anything remotely religious. It’s curmudgeonly, it’s cynical, and it’s thoroughly unapologetic about both.
Think of it as therapy for the perpetually annoyed. A validation that your irritation with the modern world is entirely justified. A reassurance that you’re not alone in finding most things utterly maddening.
And because you’re a loyal Substack subscriber who’s been putting up with my ranting for however many weeks or months you’ve been reading this column, I’m offering you a special discount. £3 off the regular price, making it just £6.99 plus postage and packing for a signed copy. That’s right - signed. By me. With my actual hand and a pen and everything.
Just use the code OLDCODGER at the checkout on my website (jonathanposnerauthor.com), and the discount will be applied automatically. You’ll get a physical book delivered to your door, personally signed, ready to be enjoyed in whatever room of your house you deem most appropriate.
Whether you buy it for yourself or as a gift, I hope you’ll find it as entertaining to read as it was cathartic for me to write. Because nothing quite beats the satisfaction of putting your frustrations down on paper and discovering that other people share them.
So there you have it. My sales pitch. My moment of shameless self-promotion. My attempt to turn my ranting into something commercially viable.
If you’ve enjoyed these articles, you’ll probably enjoy the book. If you haven’t enjoyed them, why are you still reading this?
Either way, the offer’s there. £6.99 plus postage for a signed copy. Use code OLDCODGER.
Because apparently, I’ve turned into exactly what the code suggests.
And I’m absolutely fine with that.
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Jonathan is a publisher at Winter & Drew Publishing.
Are you looking to self-publish your book - excited by the high royalties as well as being able to keep your rights and creative control? But… you’re not sure how the process works? Mistakes can be costly and add delays. This is where we can help. Winter & Drew will support you through the process - making it potentially faster and cheaper. Plus you get the credibility of having a publisher for your book.
Check our submission process at Winter & Drew Publishing.
